Knock Knock? On Letting Someone In.

It’s easy to be alone when you’re going through a rough patch.

When your brain tells you that you’re terrible and you can’t do anything, and everyone is only pretending to like you because they know how crap you are and they feel bad for you. Shutting yourself off is the easy solution, at least till those thoughts wear themselves out and you become your happy-ish self again.

Much of the advice about anxiety, and all mental health issues, recommends talking to people as a way to make yourself feel better.

Anxiety affects people differently, but here’s why it’s so difficult for me:

My brain loves me, in the sense that it tries desperately hard to protect me from the Bad Things™ and this includes a bad reception from people, no matter how imagined that reception is.
My brain knows I don’t handle that well and preemptively tries to stop it. Good brain!

Unfortunately, this comes at the cost of being closed off, isolated, and alone with my thoughts. This leads to panic attacks because I have nothing to distract from the voices reminding me of the stuff I need to do but haven’t got the energy to do because I’m worn out from being anxious all the time.

I’m very lucky at university, because I live/am friends with some of the best people ever, and the smartest thing I’ve ever done was have a breakdown last year in front of a guy I’d known two weeks.

Because he knew how to help me best, and how to stop the thoughts from spiralling downwards. And he still stuck around.

It’s hard to let people know such an intimate part of yourself; I know I feel like I’ve been holding onto worries for so long, they’ve become welded into my skin.

But sometimes all you need is someone to ask “well, why are you worried about that?”

Even if it’s someone anonymous -for a list of mental health helplines, click here.

Do you have anyone if you’re life who helps manage your mental illness? Or how do you manage it alone? Not that I’m looking for tips or anything…


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