Third Year Diaries: The Weekend Before

Regular updates? Really? From me?

We’re gonna give it a go. This is hopefully going to be it’s own lil series about dealing with anxiety and stress and so much worrying while surviving through 3rd year, with a job, a side-job, commitee-ing a society and trying to play enough music to deafen the negative whispers.

This tab was open and I realised I hadn’t really done much preparation for 3rd other than plan a society meeting and pick up my hoodie for my social media work. So I left this tab open and wrote up the module guides for this year into my notebook while being partially distracted by The Bechdel Cast podcast so… I’ve still done very little.

There have been no panic attacks about 3rd year as of 9pm tonight, but I have panicked about it.

About being literally the only one from my friendship group who is finishing completely and planning on getting a *gulp* relevant job. About starting the year with two video based modules which is killing me. About my dissertation, which is a post it note stuck to the inside of my brain that says “MAKE THE GODDAMN MAGAZINE ALREADY.”

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed by assignments when you haven’t started lectures yet?

I’m not anxious, though. Anxiety usually comes about 3 weeks in, when I have no ideas and a blackhole of “I’m not good enough,” and “I’m faking it,” and “lol I do not deserve to pass,” hits me. I’m almost used to that. 

What I’m not used to, though, is feeling this determined to do well. To clarify, to do well by my own standards – God knows I’m my own worst critic. Convincing myself that I can make a decent news video – something I haven’t done yet – has been hard, but somehow (and with so much help from YouTube and SkillShare) I’m going to do it.

I did a design thing and everything. You can tell I mean business.


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